As I was wrapping up my thoughts on this string of posts I realized there are two other ideas I wanted to share with you. They are not holidays, as such, but they function very similarly in supporting my emotional resilience. Please meet: Snow Day Box and Relax Days.

Snow Day Box

My Friend Jonathan introduced me to the idea of a snow day box. The contents of ours are pictured above. As the leaves change color, the idea is to collect a box of supplies you would need to make a snow day cozy. That way you are prepared with a little extra pampering when you get stuck inside. Other items you could include are: candles, a movie, face masks, fuzzy socks… basically anything that contributes to a hygge experience. And if hygge is a new word to you and you want to know more, check out this delightful little book: The Little Book of Hygge.

I like to make our hot cocoa instant mix. We try to purchase fair trade cocoa, and making it ourselves significantly helps to keep the price down and is so incredibly easy. Here is my recipe.

Instant Hot Cocoa

200 g. powdered milk

100 g. powdered coffee creamer

200 g. powdered sugar

100 g. powdered cocoa

Pinch of salt

Just sift all the ingredients together and add it by teaspoonfuls to hot water or milk to the strength you choose. If you don’t have a scale for measuring in grams… you’ll notice that it’s two parts powdered milk and sugar to one part coffee creamer and cocoa. Pick whatever measurement you like and follow the pattern. You can also substitute flavored creamer for a fancier blend.

Relax Days

My sister introduced me to the idea of Relax Days. She heard about them from one of her mom friends. It’s an idea for parents, but I think you could adapt it for anybody.

A Relax Day is a day in which a parent does zero percent of the parenting. You dress, feed, entertain, manage, and put to bed only yourself. Often I get out of the house but usually not for the whole day. I break up no fights. I manage no screen time. I pick up no toys. Same for Nate when it’s his turn. And let me be honest: I have had to train myself into being able to take a Relax Day. Like, I would mess up and have to drop that dirty sock back on the floor and see myself out the door. It was both hard and wonderful.

Relax Days go on the calendar, just like doctor appointments, house guests, or trips. In theory we’re each supposed to get one a month, plus an extra one if said month includes Mother’s or Father’s Day or one of our birthdays. We don’t always get that organized, and some months we fall off the wagon completely and have to get back on. But it is so worth it when we do. Because I don’t care how much you love your kids, parenting is exhausting. And taking a break makes you a better parent.

But let’s think for a minute about when you’re parenting solo for an extended period of time or indefinitely. This can happen for many reasons: death, separation, divorce, illness, deployment, and so on. The logistics of a Relax Day become more challenging. You will need help. That’s OK.

I’m a big believer in the idea that it takes a village to raise a child, and this is true even if we have a partner to parent with. Who is your village? If you don’t have a young one at home (or you do!), who are you a village member for? Maybe you’re reading this and thinking of a friend or family member who you would like to see if you can support in this way. Maybe you’re thinking of someone you can ask for support–or perhaps a trade, even if it’s not a full day. Maybe you trade Relax Evenings or Afternoons, and declare the rest of the day a Meh Day… because there is something magical and deeply restful about the sunup to sundown nature of it. It’s a kind of Sabbath, of sorts.

Which brings me to the rest of us, parents or not. You don’t have to have a small human at home to deserve a Relax Day. Adulting is hard work. What do you need to intentionally, periodically relax from from sunup to sundown? What task? What role? What worry, even? That thing that you are going to decide the night before is going to be put on hold from the time you first wake the next morning till when you drift off to sleep again that night. And you will not do it perfectly. Despite your best laid plans you will find it in your hand and have to drop it on the floor–just like I had to do with that dirty sock. You will have to say to that thing: Nope. Not today, sweetie. I will attend to you tomorrow. And you will attend better if you do.