Or… In Which I Start Writing About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is simultaneously one of the most breathtaking and also gut-wrenching concepts I have found in the Bible. I have discovered myself both forgiveness-desperate and also forgiveness-averse.

It didn’t always feel that way. Back when life was simpler, and the only relational injuries I had experienced were relatively minor ones that were promptly acknowledged and apologized for… well, forgiveness felt pretty simple too.

But then bad things happened. Repetitive actions lined with denial. Events that would later land me in a therapist’s office. Pain that took years to resolve and that still twinges sometimes. Events that have yet to be honestly acknowledged or apologized for by the other party.

Suddenly, forgiveness didn’t seem quite so simple anymore. More than complicated, it felt like a threat. I’m not exaggerating when I say facing the task of forgiveness felt like contemplating obliteration.

I’ve decided to write about forgiveness for a little while. I don’t know how to do it in a single post. Forgiveness is messy. And complicated. And hard. At least that has been my experience. In a very real sense, I am still figuring it out. I do have a couple decades of it under my belt though, and I am happy to share my wanderings with you. If it can ease someone else’s sense of isolation and help them find their way forward, that will make it worth it for me. Because forgiveness absolutely is worth it.

Forgiveness still causes me to wince… much as alcohol on a wound or an immunization in my arm. But I subject myself to it much more willingly these days. I have discovered that it will not kill me. In fact, it is what keeps me connected to Life.