Or… How Shall We Then Forgive? Part 5

So what exactly is forgiveness? I had signed up for it. Sitting there on that sofa, it was kind of like I had checked myself into God’s treatment program to pull the poison of hatred out of my body and soul. I still felt like shit. But I was admitted.

Well let’s go back to Jesus’ story of the debtors. As I hear Jesus, forgiveness is simply cancelling a debt. While my thoughts and feelings are inescapably involved and impacted, forgiveness is fundamentally a choice. It is a choice to take that unpaid record of my neighbors debt that I hold, and tear it up. It is to say to them, “You don’t owe me anymore.”

When her former Nazi prison guard asked for her forgiveness, this is what helped Corrie Ten Boom as she stood, paralyzed, silently pleading with Jesus for the grace to navigate that encounter. She wrote, “But forgiveness is not an emotion–I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” I think she’s right, and what a relief that is. Sometimes my feelings need the stubbornness of a will to navigate a way forward because they just can’t.

I used to own a small business. One of my file holders held records of clients with outstanding balances. I’d mail reminders, and at some point I suppose I could have sent them to collections. I got more savvy in my boundary setting with clients, so mercifully that folder never got too thick. But one day as my fingers slid over that file and I contemplated taking some additional action, I thought: You know, to heck with this. I pulled those papers out and fed them through my shredder. It was kind of a relief saying goodbye to them. That’s my mental picture of forgiveness.

So if forgiveness is the canceling of a debt, can we forgive and take legal action against enemies? I think so, though depending the the situation we may choose not to. This is such a complex issue that it probably deserves a separate post. Here’s me taking notes to circle back, but for now let me say this: forgiveness is the opposite choice of revenge.

Revenge is about evening the score for me. It is fixated in the past, trying to ensure you suffer to the extent you made me suffer. Making you feel pain because you made me feel pain, as though somehow the universe will heal if we achieve equal agony.

Appropriate legal action against an enemy is about the “us” of humanity. It is forward-looking safety planning for society. It is imposing sanctions against a known perpetrator to reduce their risk to society, with particular concern for present and future victims. That’s how it is different from revenge.

Forgiveness is tearing up your revenge receipts.